Love it is a word that I don’t understand; I just feel it. I believe in it without believing in it. One moment I’m confident about it and the next moment I’m not. I’m indecisive and afraid and within it’s prescence I become defenseless, weak, and in doubt. The minute I think it exists, it shuts me down. The minute I release it from my grip it chases after me. I don’t look for it but it comes to haunt me. I look for it and I fall endlessly. In love I lose everything. And it kills me because I can’t control it. My heart yearns for it unconditionally, yet when I find it or something that I think it may be, everything inside of me repels it. I am so helpless. Love brings the worst out of me. It brings the best out of me. It tortures me and lingers with me through each and every second of my human being. It buffets my brain with far too many thoughts than I can hold, and my heart with confusion. Because it has no real definition, and its form can vary in so many different ways, it truly takes an incredible amount of courage to be able to catch it in your palms, and hold it, nurture it, and love it. Yes, love also needs to be loved. At least that much I can say I’m confident is true.

Tags: love thoughts